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For This, I Shed Myself Of Light
I saw this beautiful boy of 18,
Release the bolts of his chair.
The way his meals never laughed,
The funeral he had to miss,
The amputation of a leg.
I stare at my body,
Turn in the mirror to see my ribs
Gather along my back.
I want to break through the floor.
I fed a man,
Whose body was like paper,
A serving of my own.
His face famished for bread,
And love.
I find a filthy bench in the commons,
Beg for mercy,
And call it home.
I would die fasting
For just one more minute
Inside that precious body.
I watched a friend,
Paint his mind like scripture
Into the likeness behind him.
I bury myself alive
Inside my own dreams.
Let the dirt cake my tongue,
Choke and gag for forgiveness.
I ask over and over,
Why this family?
Oh God, why this child?
Take me, I say to Jesus.
Take my arms,
Bend them back across time
And give me a chance
To make light.
I force my knees into stones,
Pierce my eyes into murder,
Slit my love for them.
Jesus, take my heavy heart
And give to them
What it takes
To know a life
Of love
And light.
Cameron D. Mathews