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I am worried about my friend is coping with their cancer. What can I do to help?
When a good friend or a relative gets cancer it is often a very difficult time and people often handle the situation by cutting down the number of visits and meetings because they might be difficult or distressing. Although this is understandable it is often very upsetting for the person who has the cancer who can find themselves apparently deserted by long-time friends and members of the family at a time when they really need them. So the first way in which you can help is simply by keeping in touch and keeping up with your regular contacts just as you did before the cancer was discovered.
There are then two main ways in which you can make a difference: by giving emotional support and offering practical help. The best way to make a start with these is by talking, or perhaps even more importantly, by listening.
Everyone is different and some people with cancer will find it very helpful to talk about their illness and its treatment whilst others cope by acting as though everything was normal and life was going on as usual, so knowing just the right thing to say is difficult. If someone is happy to talk about how they feel and how they are coping then listening sympathetically can be very useful indeed and make a real difference. If they are less forthcoming and keeping things more to themselves then direct questions like 'how are you feeling?' or 'how are you managing?' will probably get short answers like 'fine' or 'OK' and lead nowhere. On the other hand using questions asking about specific aspects of well being, like 'how are you sleeping?', 'do you get very tired?', 'what sort of things do you enjoy eating?', can be easier to answer and can often get people talking more about how they are and what problems there might be.
This can also open opportunities for practical help, things like doing a bit of shopping, walking the dog, taking your friend to the hospital for their next appointment, taking the children to school one morning a week and a hundred and one other possible ways in which quite small things you could do would not only make the day to day chores of life a bit easier for your friend but also show her that you do care and are there to help her.
For a while at least your friendship may be under strain, especially if your friend is having great difficulty in coping and coming to terms with the diagnosis and its treatment but by keeping in touch, by 'being there' and letting them know they can rely on you then you will be making a real contribution to their quality of life at a time when it really matters. .