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Listening & Understanding Giving Practical Help Looking After Yourself
Those close to a person with cancer will usually need to know about the medical situation if they are to have an idea of what will help. Doctors are usually happy to keep close relatives informed, as long as the person they are treating agrees.
Many family members, friends and carers find that the more they know about cancer and the help available, the better equipped they feel to cope.
Sometimes the person with cancer finds it's useful for such information to be passed on to them. But you should wait to be asked, and not assume that they need the same sort of information as you do. People with cancer need to be encouraged to get through their treatment, not overwhelmed with conflicting advice. You should make sure that the information you provide is accurate and relevant to their situation.
Some people find it easier to give practical help than emotional support. But it is often difficult to know where to start. Here are some suggestions:
1. Offer to help
If you are not one of the immediate family, find out if your help is needed.
2. Assess what the person needs most
Ask yourself what they will be able to do for themselves during each day, and what they will not. For example, if the person is at home between chemotherapy sessions: 'Who is going to look after her in the day?'; 'Can she prepare her own meals?'; 'Do the children need to be taken to and from school?'
3. Decide which of these jobs you can do
For example, you may be working in the day, and you may be a terrible cook, but you have a car and could take the children to school in the morning.
4. Start with small practical things
From the list of things you can do, offer one or two. Remember that sometimes it is the small thoughtful offers that mean most: like offering to tend their garden. Large gifts can overwhelm and embarrass people.
5. You can always offer to visit
Spending regular time with your friend or relative, and being reliable about your visits, could be the most valuable way you can give practical help.